Amma : Blog # 175

Amma

        The earliest vivid memory that I have of my mother is her asking me what Saree she should wear whenever we went out. I should have been in 1^st standard if I remember right. I always used to ask her to wear a particular Saree and I can’t remember a time when she did not oblige. But I also remember her asking me to put on a particular shirt and my refusal to do it time and again. To this day, the pattern continues. Coming to think of it now, little deeds like these show how much of a selfless relationship a mother has with her daughter/son. A mother gives and gives and gives!

            I believe if not for mothers, we never would have understood the concept of love in its wholeness. I can’t think of any other relationship which is completely devoid of ego. Whatever the circumstances and situations are, a mother’s first instinct is to love. It is not that the relationship doesn’t go through transience. One of my friend's sister says that she could see how her son is changing now that he has entered adolescence. He doesn’t have time to talk to her and if at all he talks, it is to argue. I am sure most of us can relate to this. We have all been through that phase. Have you ever stepped in to her shoes? The void that she would have felt when her son/daughter moved from being completely dependent on her to her struggling to find  a few minutes in a day to talk to him/her!

            I think the moment of truth comes when we finish college and move out of our homes to another city on work. It is then that it suddenly hits us. Now that friends are at different places and many of them who used to be around for day and night slowly drifting away, a new found solitude sets in. The realization sets in that this is exactly how our mothers would have felt. If one is sensitive enough, he/she takes efforts to make up for the lost time. And when it comes to mothers, it is never too late, isn’t it?

            My cousins and friends who are married say it is after they have a kid that they understand what being a mother means. They talk about how taxing and tiring it is and how still they can’t help feel happy to be a mother. Whenever my grandmother visits, my father asks her to cook one dish or the other for him and in spite of her age, she happily obliges. I ask my grandmother why and she says “For you, he is an old man. But for me, he is still my little son”. Doesn’t that sum up how a mother feels for her children all her life?

            I don’t think we can even attempt to love the way a mother does. All we can do is to try and respond to the warmth she exudes and be eternally grateful.

p.s. Amma,I can't thank God enough for your presence in my life. I try and express my love for you in more ways than one. But I know I haven't done enough and it will never be.

More often than not, a father’s love goes unacknowledged. More so, when it comes to the relationship that he shares with a son! So here goes; I love you dad J.

Lots of Love,

Arun

The dreaded 10 Questions! : Blog # 170

The dreaded 10 Questions!

        Let me start off this post with a pre- emptive bail. This post might turn out to be a bit of hypocrisy. The reason being the questions that I am going to list down is what I ask for earning my brown bread and whipped butterJ. These are the thoughts which run through a recruiter’s mind when they ask you these questions!

How are you doing?

When a candidate walks in, I wish him/her. Then they ask me the question listed above. I tell them “I am good. How are you?”. Then they go “I am good too. How are you?” Then I am like “Dude, that’s what I said in the beginning. I am GOOD! This is an interview. Pay attention.” (of course in my mind!)

Are you nervous?

I usually ask this question when a candidate make the first question in to an unending loop. Most of them say that they are not nervous. But there was one person who asked me “Are you?”. I thought in my head “Why the hell would I be nervous? You are the one who needs a job!”

Tell me about yourself

Now this one is hated by both the people sitting across the table. The recruiter hates it because of 2 reasons. One, most people have no clue who they are. Two, some people just wouldn’t stop when asked this question.  Things like the pet dog’s name and your pet name aren’t exactly the things we are looking for in the answer!

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

For the love of God, everyone can’t be Amir Khan. Being a perfectionist cannot be everyone’s weakness! Yeah, you read that right. People list it as their weakness! And strength, “I am a good team player”. Ok then I say, tell me about your team. “Oh don’t ask me. There is too much of politics to the extent that even I have stopped working properly!”. There goes our candidate’s “strength”!

Where do you find yourself five years from now?

Some go on to say “I will be a Vice President in your company and in worst cases, CEO of your company!”. In my head, I am thinking; for heaven’s sake, give me a break and God save my company if you become the CEO!

Are you happy in your current job?

There are people who go on to bitch about their current company to the

extent that makes me cringe. I am thinking what is the guarantee that you won’t do the same to my company in your next interview?

You think you will be happy in your new job if you get it?

Yes, I will be extremely happy. I will be the happiest person on earth. I am thinking dude this is not an interview for Disney world!

What is your salary expectation?

This one is particularly hilarious. There are people who ask for 100%-200% hike. I have half a mind to tell them that you seriously think you will be paid more than your second level manager???

How long will you stay with my company?

“I will not leave this company, ever! This is my dream company.” Yeah right! This is the reason why you have not stayed with the last 3 companies for more than 3 years!

 When can I know the result?

Now, here I am turning the table a bit. This question is usually asked to the interviewer.  The interviewer goes “We shall get back to you in two weeks time”. The interviewee asks does that mean I am selected?. We go “The status will be informed to you in two weeks time.” But you can tell me if I am selected or not right? In some cases,I want to scream“It is considered in appropriate to tell a person that you have failed miserably in the interview and with your credentials, I don’t see you clearing any interview for a very very long time”(of course in my mind).

So the next time you go for an interview,forget about these tried and tired answers.Be yourself. Believe me, it's refreshingly relieving for both people sitting across the table :)

This post is written for Indispire                                                                                                                                                                    

In Love with 20’s : Blog # 156

In Love with 20’s

The twenties is a fantastic age bracket to be in. This is when you are not too young to be dismissed and not too old to be entrusted. You can look down on teenagers as immature and still not be called an uncle. At the same time, you don’t shy away from nagging the 30 pluses by calling them, uncles and aunts J.

We spend the early twenties in universities which gifts us with the best memories of a life time. This time of the life will be always remembered very fondly. A little later, we land our first job. There is a heady sense of achievement for that job would have been the first thing most of us would have achieved on our own.  This is when we taste financial independence and the realization sinks in that nothing liberates you like self earned money!

A little while in to the first job, begins the new found introspection. For many of us, this will be the first time in Life when we actually face an identity crisis. One might be good at the job or not at all. It doesn't matter. For the first time in Life, we are faced with no milestone to achieve. Let me be more specific. There is no milestone set by parents or society for us. We are presented with a real choice. All through it, is a struggle to find out who we really are? We are struggling to figure out as to what will make us happy in the true sense of the word.

Job begins to become a constant in Life. This is when all the “Studying was fun” train of thought chugs in and some of us begin to think of a higher education.  Some of us go back to college and some of us get married. Both are good distractions.

By now, we would have crossed the half mark of the twenties. This is when we begin to get comfortable in our own skin. We are still open to ideas. Age has not managed to make us so arrogant that we turn in to a “I have seen life enough” mode. But by then, we are completely free of the insecurities of the teenage and have begun to accept one self. Give it two more years, and you will understand who you really are. You will forgive yourself for your vices and would have identified your virtues.

This is a time when you live life with some sense of curiosity of a child still intact yet with a self assurance that only age can lend.

Arun Babu.

The Great Indian Hypocrisy : Blog # 155

The Great Indian Hypocrisy

I do not know if there is any other culture which demands as much reading between the lines as ours. Quite often, it so happens that there is a stark difference between what we preach and what we do.

We call the love stories which are depicted in films as old fashioned. But we refuse to accept live in relationships as a reality. We label the tele-serials as regressive and yet do not stop ourselves from accepting dowry.

We condemn red tape and corruption. But we get our things done faster by paying a bribe. Also, we do not have any qualms in praising a government official who became rich at the expense of the government, if he/she is a relative.

We marvel at the infrastructure and advancements that the nations of the world have made. But we blatantly refuse to pay income tax. More so, we use all our grey cells in ensuring we do not pay the state its due even if it is while buying a property or building a house.

We resent the way industrialists indulge in lavish weddings. If you look at a correlation between their income and the kind of money they spend on such occasions, it will be surprising to see that it is we the middle class who spend much higher as a percentage of our sustainable income.

We look down up on well-known people who publicize their charity work where as we ourselves haven’t contributed anything at all for the benefit of the underprivileged.

All parents advise their friends to let the children chart out their destiny. They ask them to emulate the reporters and the likes who risk their lives for the cause of the nation. Yet when it comes to one’s own, they want their sons and daughters to be only Engineers or Doctors.

The business leaders are revered beyond measure. But the moment someone who is a friend or family talks about starting a business, we just can’t stop ranting about the risks involved.

          We marvel at the carvings in Khajuraho and own up to Vatsyayana. Sunny Leone turns out to be one of the most Googled figures in our country. Yet we refrain from talking openly about sex! 

And we wonder why it is difficult for the world to get a semblance of what we Indians are all about!

**Inspired from 'I support Anna Hazare, Do you?' , a poem by my friend, Abhishek Kumar Jha. Link :http://frostedfalls.wordpress.com/2012/03/31/i-support-anna-hazare-do-you-friday-april-8-2011-at-826pm/

Arun Babu.

Tea stall of the dead! : Blog # 154

Tea stall of the dead!

           This time around, work took me to the city of Ahmedabad. I had never been to that part of our country. Adding to the excitement was the fact that I will get to meet some of my friends whom I hadn’t met for the past 5 years.

   I fell in love with the city. The infrastructure is quite impressive. The roads are well maintained and they aren’t clogged by traffic. There is a lane dedicated for the Government run buses alone! How many cities in our country can boast of this? The time of the year that I visited had Ahmedabad at its most pleasant weather.

              The first day, I went for an evening walk from the hotel where I was staying. River Sabarmati was quite close to where I was staying. To my pleasant surprise, the river was a sight to behold. The water was perfectly clean. It was the beginning of winter in Ahmedabad. The evening zephyr was quite soothing. I joined a bunch of people who were out on their evening walks. There is a beautiful walkway on the banks of the river. A little late in to the evening, the tall lamp posts came alive lending the vastness of the river, a reflected glory.  

              The next day, one of my friends suggested a nearby tea stall called Lucky tea stall. He said there is something quite unique about it. But nothing prepared me for what it had in store for me. When I walked in, my first reaction was one of shock. The tea stall is built around a grave! It was quite spooky. More surprising was the fact that no one sipping their cup of tea there were least bothered about the graves right next to their feet! The waiters just walked past the graves and served the tea and people were indulging themselves in the usual small talks.

             The restaurant’s wall proudly dons a painting by the acclaimed artist, late M.F. Husain. Apparently he was quite fond of this quirky hangout in the city. The belief in this part of the world is that luck favours you if you share food with the dead! From what I could see, luck has clearly favoured the owner of the tea stall. There is never a moment of dullness for the business here!

          It was surprising to see how we accept certain customs with time. Had this restaurant been anywhere else, people will not go to that restaurant. Who would want to have food sitting in a grave will be the rational. Worse, there will be protests forcing the restaurant to close down citing “cultural and religious” reasons! Just because this one was around for quite some time, people have accepted it for what it is.

 Likewise, all the things that we object or resent today gradually become acceptable. Does that mean we are being foolishly myopic by resisting the emerging cultural changes of the times that we live in?

Arun Babu.

Why I like Chetan Bhagat & TOI! : Blog # 149

Why I like Chetan Bhagat & TOI!

There are many people who dislike certain entities with a vengeance. Having preferences is fine. But intense loathing for no specific reason is a bit unreasonable and unfair. Two such popular and identifiable entities which have faced a lot of such uncalled for hatred form the title of this blog.

Once upon a time, I also was among those people who used to say I loathe Chetan Bhagat’s writing. And then, I came across this article which brought to the fore as to how successful he is. By success, I do not mean the money he minted. I measure his success by the scale of his reach. Through his work, he made a large population of India, read English stories. There was a huge barrier between English educated Indians and English book readers in India. It is that barrier that he brought down. If I do not like his simpleton English, that doesn’t necessarily mean I can go ahead and declare that such kind of writing is substandard and indulge is some Chetan bashing! There is a space for such writing and it has an audience which needs to be respected.

Likewise is the case with Times of India. There is a whole section of people who seem disgusted by TOI. It is the world’s largest circulated English daily. I repeat, the World’s largest! That demands some respect. Yes, it has sections that covers latest pet dog’s name of Bollywood stars. But there is a readership for that too and that is why it is up there. It also has a business page which gives you interesting insights in to the M&As and Corporate strategies. It is up to you as to which one you would want to read!

Now what is this obsessive compulsion to make others like what we like? One positive reason is a sense of familiarity .Quite often we take a liking towards people who share the same preferences as oneself. That is completely normal. It stems from the fact that it takes much lesser effort to connect with the other person.

But there are other reasons too. One has got a lot to do with being pretentious. Take the above two scenarios. There are many who would like to project themselves as Literature reading- thinking pseudo intellects. These are the same people who can’t tell an oxymoron from a euphemism! They do not want to associate themselves with the above two entities so as to guard their fictitious equity. 

 There is an acute lack of openness too.If a person is well read, he/she will be shrewd enough to understand the reasoning behind their existence. They will also be open enough to acknowledge the plurality of things. They will not be among those who childishly insist that only those entities should exist in this world which they like!

Then there is the lack of faith in oneself. There is this compulsive urge to herd together. For instance, I might like reading novels in regional languages. But it is not the in thing. It is not very acceptable. So I also join the band wagon of the popular opinion.

It is time we start accepting pluralities around us. As much as we like our likings, we should know others also are free to like their likings J.

Arun Babu

Characters that are Special : Blog # 146

Characters that are Special

        I wonder if there has ever been a time where in punctuation has found more importance in languages than now. So much so that we sum up a whole sentence with a combination of colons, parenthesis and special characters.

            Consider this. You need to tell your friend something but would like to convey an exact opposite meaning. All you need to do is put a semicolon and a parenthesis towards the end - I love waking up early in the morning ;).

            Expressing wonder by saying “I am surprised” or “I am amazed” is so a thing of past. Today, we say it using exclamation marks. The most common usage is 3 in a row – I am getting a salary hike!!!It can be used to express shock as well – I am not getting a salary hike!!!The usage of question marks also has the same impact - You have three facebook accounts???

            Sarcasm has always been elusive to many people. Understanding sarcasm itself needs considerable social skills. Expressing it in writing has always been a challenge. And here comes the colons and commas to the rescue – Hey thank you for remembering my birthday!!! J. That combination of exclamations, colon and parenthesis does the trick.

            Now coming to the best usage of all. For those who do not want to dirty their vocabulary using the four letter words, all one needs to do is put up a combination of special characters. You are such a %@%@%.

            The most common of all is the three dots usage. It gives that subtle literary feeling. If you are writing a story and you decide to title it “For my Love”, it will be much more appealing if you name it as “For my Love…”.    

            It is quite a paradox that for a generation that doesn't take using punctuation quite seriously, much of our daily conversations will be incomplete without them albeit the usages are in quite a different context from what Shakespeare would have ever imagined.

           

Arun Babu.

Take Care : Blog #140

Take Care

        This blog is not about that famous tagline of a hugely popular cosmetic brand. Neither is it about how we end conversations these days using those two words. Then what is it about? Read on to find out J.

            

        I remember as a child, whenever we used to visit some of my parents’ friends out of town, we used to stay in Hotels. My sister and I used to thoroughly enjoy those stays. We were so thrilled by the idea of pressing a button and getting whatever food we wanted. We used to find the sugar cubes incredibly fascinatingJ. These days, I am staying at some of the hotels as part of work and I see that the love of hotels is still very much there J.

           If you are lucky, the interiors of the hotel will be done tastefully with the fabric and carpet and the furniture being pleasant on the eyes with the appropriate lighting to go with it. The cupboards and tables are all of the right size and always at the right place.

            The best thing remains the food on dial. All you need to do is go through the menu, call room service and sit around in sweet anticipation. Watching TV with the favorite food on plate is something that many of us consider to be among those little good things that can bring a smile on our face without much effort.

            Comforts lie in the strangest of places ;).One such is the bathrooms. Many a time, they are fancy with their high end fittings and glass partitions and the toiletries that come with it. The towels are always dry and warm. And yes, the comfort of warm and cold water at the turn of taps.

For someone who is in love with the idea of cleanliness especially when it comes without any effort, hotel rooms are a blessing! However one leaves it, the next time when the door is opened, everything is in place and squeaky clean.

Although all the above comforts add on to the luxury of our urban lives, I think at the core of the liking for this kind of a luxury is the fact that we all like being taken care of. I just love the fact that there are people ready to help you out with smiling faces right from the moment they wheel in your baggage to the room till they bid goodbye with a thank you.

In this day and age of not-a-minute-to-spare pace of life and virtual interactions, may be this is what we all are looking for;To be cared for.

Arun Babu.

Lessons from Ranchi : Blog # 139

Lessons from Ranchi

           This year, work took me to that part of our country which has come to be known as Ranchi. For someone who has not travelled beyond Bombay, this was an exciting opportunity. The fact that I will be missing Onam with family and lose out a chance to meet my kid sister was a big regret. But then, my colleague Arjun who made me undertake this travel has promised that he will make it up for this, the next time we meet ;).

      I landed at Ranchi Airport. The first fleeting thought was how so far away I am from home. It was a strange feeling. Add to this, I was informed that a driver called Kali Charan will be waiting for me at the airport. The name sounded straight out of a Hindi film of the 1980s which was bestowed of course on villainous characters. I stepped out of the airport and there was standing Kali charan, his appearance quite living up to his nameJ.  The only respite was that one of the senior leaders from my company was also there along with him. He was quite friendly.

            We started our journey to the educational institution. On the way, Kali charan showed us M.S. Dhoni’s home. Huge trees and a long winding road welcomed us towards the majestic institution. We retired in to our rooms and Prof. Sinha came visiting us. A very affable person, in spite of being caught up in a hectic schedule, he made sure we are having a comfortable stay.

            The next day, I met Prof.Pant. He was the sort of person who commanded respect just by his presence. A person who you start looking up to right from the moment he has exchanged pleasantries. That morning, I met Tanvir, one of my senior colleagues. Over the two days, we discussed almost everything under the sun. He exuded warmth in a way only a Sardar can 

J.  

 What came as a surprise was the lessons in work ethics that Ranchi had in store for me.

            After the process for the day was over, I went back to my room. It was well past the dining time and there was waiting Sitaram Bhaiyya with a warm smile who ensured that we were well fed. I haven’t met a more humble person in recent past. The sincerity with which he served us food was so endearing. He epitomised what we call a pleasing personality.

            By now, through the umpteen trips around the campus, KaliCharan bhaiyya and I had become friends. He was well informed about his home town and nearby places. He spoke of Dhoni with great pride. But what stood out was his sincerity towards work. Not even once did he turn a deaf ear or show some displeasure in my numerous requests to take me from one building to other inside the campus. By evening, when he was driving me to my room, I told him that I am sorry that I made him drive around so much. His answer was simple and sincere “Sir, it is my duty” and he smiled. I could tell he meant it with all his heart.

            The next day, Prof.Sinha and I was having a real late lunch. When he came to know that it was Onam that day, he said he will try to get some Kerala food. With so many things to attend to, the fact that he made an effort to tell that was in itself a big thing for me. The person who was serving us food told me “Sir, I hope you select many people because after you leave, the kind of companies that come will select only very few people. I was amazed at his sense of the larger picture.

            When the day was coming to an end, Prof. Pant was graceful enough to drop me off at the guest house. He could have told a driver to do that. A person of his stature need not have done that, but he did J.

            How can I forget the energetic bunch of students who helped us out with the process – Ronak , Roop and their team J. They were such sweet bunch of kids that Ronak was kind enough to wait and have lunch with me so that I wouldn’t have to have my lunch alone.

            That day also, I had a late dinner and Sitaram Bhaiyya was there at the dining table ensuring I addressed my appetiteJ. As I was leaving, he asked me as to what will I prefer for breakfast. I said I will leave before breakfast and that I am having an early morning flight.He said in that case, he will provide me a tea. I politely refused saying it’s quite early and I need to leave by 5 in the morning. The next day, by 430, I was served piping hot tea and even more warm was his smile J. 

            At the strike of 5, Kali charan Bhaiyya drove in and took me to the airport. I asked him “Don’t you get tired?”. He said “I don’t remember a time when I slept before 11 in the night and slept beyond 4in the morning. People like you are our guests and it’s my responsibility that I ensure you travel peacefully”.  There are very few instances when words leave me. That moment right there was one such.

        From then on, Ranchi means just one thing to me – Good natured, Industrious people.

Arun Babu

The End? : Blog # 138

The End?

            I watched this movie ’The Lunch Box’. Although it is an endearing story, I was momentarily upset when the lights came on indicating the end of the movie. The reason was that there was no closure. The director of the story left the end of the movie to the interpretation of the audience or to its destiny if I may say so.

            Right from childhood, we are taught to look for closures. A cartoon ends with a ‘That’s all Folks’. Television shows for the day used to end with a vibgyor screen. School functions used to end with the National Anthem. As and when we grew up, there were further closures. If the endpoint of education is a job, the destination of a relationship is marriage.

               When a dear friend leaves our town to a new place, we have to meet for one last time. We do not want to leave the Goodbye unsaid for it means not knowing when one will get to meet again and we do not give much credibility to the chance of meeting yet again.

   Closure can also sound the death knell of imagination and ambition. We are choosing the easiest route when we look for a closure. When we watch a film or read a book, if it has a definitive ending, we do not exercise our imagination. We are just agreeing to the imagination of the creator of that art. Likewise, Life will throw up many instances where the closure will not be assured. One needs to take that chance. It might end stupendously well or tragically bad. But if one goes with only those opportunities with assured closures, one might risk losing the stupendous ending and land instead at the mediocre success.

           Studies in Human Resources state that we as a cultural group are averse to uncertainty. We prefer definite states to vague continuity. May be this is the origin of the saying that goes a Known devil is better than an unknown angel.

            I think the reason that we look for closures has got a lot to do with choices. Not having a closure means having multiple choices. For all the hue and cry about Life being difficult, when presented with multiple choices, we are more at sea than ever. Most of us prefer a single choice of existence even if Life is miserable in that state of being.

            We spend a large part of our lives looking for closures. Why is it so difficult for us to understand that Life is akin to a continuum? More so when we do not know when is it going to end. It is like searching for the end of a wave swelling on a beach. We should realize the wave is to behold and to be admired. The best that we can attempt to do is to surf along and enjoy the ride that is Life through its crests and troughs.

Arun Babu

Blinders to the Soul : Blog # 122

Blinders to the Soul

        Someone has rightly said that eyes are the windows to the soul. I will go ahead and say that it is as much an extension of our soul itself. The reasons are varied. To begin with, they reflect exactly what is on our mind, as if they were mirrors. It is difficult to lie holding our eyes steady. It emotes what our soul feels with all its sincerity.

It is because of these reasons that we all use coolers more than what they are intended for. There are people who use it as a protection for their eyes or to enhance the way one looks. But there are people who go a step further.

        It was in 8^th standard that I realized how much a ‘shades’ can hide. One of my class mates slept through all of the Chemistry classes without getting caught. He would adjust his spectacles in a way where his eyes will not be visible. It was a day night glass! The slight darkness helped him to catch a blissful siesta when all of us struggled to stay awake.

            Then at many instances in Life, I found people using shades as a barrier. The moment one puts on one of these coolers, it acts as a veil of security – mostly a barrier of protection for one’s emotion.

           Many a time, people put on coolers when they get emotional. It helps in two ways. One, it hides the tears. Two, it helps in preventing tears. When there is this dark glass between two people, there is no eye contact. Two of them do not know what exactly the other person is feeling. This tells a lot about how we emote. Most of our emotions are dependent on what the other people around us are portraying at that moment. So by putting on glasses, all we need to do is rein in our own emotions. There is no affect brought in by the other person’s expressions – either positive or negative.

A cooler can appear as a hindrance to a social courtesy too. At times, if you keep on your coolers and talk to a person, they might get offended. The reason here again is the other person is not able to gauge what you are saying – the seriousness of it, the sincerity with which you are saying and the subtle sensibilities of what you are trying to convey.

          The best use of shades comes in to picture when one is lying. However seasoned a liar a person is, it is difficult to hide the reality from one’s eyes. We always tell “Believe me!” by looking in to another person’s eyes. The reason is, if it is true, it will show in your eyes. So the moment you put on blinders, you feel as secure as if you are behind a foot thick lead wall.

            Having said all this, we all put on blinders at some point or the other in Life and it is acceptable too. It becomes a problem when we begin needing them to avoid meeting one’s own eyes.

                                                                                                          Arun Babu.